Vikes’ “S.O.D.” Plans to Fake His Own Pee.

You just can’t make this stuff up!

The Viking’s Onterrio Smith (S.O.D.- self proclaimed “steal of the draft" last year) has now been caught with a kit he could use to fake a clean urine sample.

Smith is a 2 time offender of the NFL drug policy, so I’m sure he considers this a little insurance.

I never knew such a thing even existed, so I went to their website www.whizzinator.com to check it out.

It’s basically a strap on prosthetic, ahem, unit, that you load right before test time with water and dried urine to produce a clean sample.

Here’s what a testimonial on their site says:

“Hey, you guys messed up and sent me the big black whizzinator and got me kicked out of the KKK. But Earlene shore did scream when I did her last night! Yee Haw! Thanks whizzinator”

That's a direct quote, you just can’t make this stuff up!

Mr. Smith has now catapulted himself into a select group as one of the top three biggest idiots in the NFL.

Today, his main competition is Ricky Williams of Miami, another clear thinking pothead, who signed a big deal with a $7M signing bonus, then got caught smoking pot again, so he decided as long as he was so rich he would just retire and travel around the South Pacific.

Earth to Ricky: if you don’t fulfill your contract, you have to pay back the bonus, much of which you have no-doubt spent. I guess it’s back to work for you.

Our next member of the Einstein Battalion is Browns tight end Kellen (Evil Kneviel) Winslow Jr.

With about a $4M contract under his belt, he decides to by himself a motorcycle, and then eschews riding lessons, figuring he can pick up riding on the fly.

Well, fly he did, over the handlebars.

Now this moron’s contract is in jeopardy as well.

Cast your vote here folks…

ps. I just heard Green Bay RB Ahman Green was picked up at the Milwaukee Airport with a Cheez Wizzonator!

Twins stadium ?

Allow me to weigh into the Twins stadium debate.

It seems to me, the overriding question is: can we afford to lose the Twins?

I mean that literally, can we afford it?

The fact is, that the Twins add millions to the MN economy.

Not only do the Twins pay income taxes, opposing teams that play here pay taxes too.

Like my close personal friend says” “when Alex Rodriguez (of the Yankees) comes here each year, he adds $30,000 to MN tax coffers- and that’s just one player!

Not only that, we draw a lot of people from the Dakota’s, Iowa, and even Wisconsin.

Wisconsin especially, because we not only get Twins fans, who by unfortunate circumstance live in WI, we get Brewers fans as well.

And when the Twins play in Milwaukee, 25 of my friends and I go there for a weekend and spend money like drunken sailors (well, actually, one of them is one.)

So let’s envision a scenario of no Twins baseball.

Nobody from Milner, ND; or Sioux Falls, SD; or Milwaukee is coming here.

People from out-state MN are not coming, and yet people like myself are going to go to Milwaukee & Chicago to see Major League Baseball games.

Someone explain to me, as a Hennepin County resident & taxpayer, how Hennepin County makes that revenue back?

These dunces that make the argument that people will just spend more on movies and restaurants, can put the cap on and sit in the corner until they wake up in the real world.

The other key point is that Hennepin Co. will own the stadium, not Carl Pohlad.

So when you think about it, Pohlad is making a $125 million dollar donation to a Hennepin Co. building project.

What’s not to like?

Put a $.50 ticket tax on, and build a roof.

Twin's Jones walks...

14 times in April to be exact.

Jacque Jones has 14 walks in the month of April, 2005.

WHAT!

He's walked 14 times in his whole career!

So here we are, after the 1st month of baseball this season, Mr. Jones leads the A.L. in on base percentage with .482, built on his amazing 14 walks, but also his impressive .359 batting avg.

And if that weren't enough, Torii Hunter leads the lead with 10 stolen bases.

Now if someone had come to me in March, and offered to bet me $1 against $1 million from me, that on April 30 Hunter would be leading the league in steals, and Jones in walks, not only would they own my home, I'd still be making the payments on it for about 300 years.

Fortunately for me, I'm not a betting man, I'm a baseball fan. :)